Reader Question- Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin

Dan, I find myself increasingly frustrated by people who use the phrase "love the sinner, hate the sin" as a smokescreen for judging others. Can you speak to your thoughts on this phrase? (or maybe you've already done and I'm looking for the wrong key words on your blog?)   -Kimberly
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Thanks for writing in, Kimberly! And yes, I have also been very frustrated by the concept of loving sinners and hating sin. It is especially problematic because it holds a nugget of truth in it... just enough to cause some real trouble for those who use it as a guiding star.

On the surface, it makes sense. In a faith that stresses the concept of forgiveness, being able to differentiate between the transgression and the one who committed it IS an important concept, remembering that no one is wholly defined by any one action of theirs. Sounds pretty good, right?

The problem comes with "sins" that ARE defining, that are not easily separated from the one who is living them. I can say that I hate the sin and love the sinner all day long, but if I believe that being gay is a sin, then I literally cannot make that distinction. "I love you, I just hate who you are," doesn't make any kind of sense. And since the sins that so often get focused on in Evangelical circles (the only circles that really seem to use the phrase,) it becomes more and more a smokescreen for judgement and hatred.

But wait, there's more!

The flip side of the phrase comes when it is used (in horrible, horrible ways) to coerce victims of abuse. How is someone who was abused supposed to "Love the Abuser, hate the Abuse?" As if what was done to them was just an abstract concept they should simply tolerate, as if "I love you, I just hate that you are always abusing me" is a healthy state of mind! But it is also supported by the mentality of "Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin."

So... what do we do, then?

The REASON that "Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin" is so problematic is that it attempts to be a simple formula to solve the problem of forgiveness, a problem that is part of the struggle of being a decent human being. We want a simple way to determine how we are supposed to behave, and so if it is something easy to remember and quote, then we want to believe it's the magic solution. But it's not, it just becomes an easily gamed rule-set that has the unfortunate consequence of becoming itself more abusive than the confusion that it was supposed to solve.

We should love people, yes, but that is far from easy, or simple. Remembering that they are beloved eternal beings who are NOT entirely defined by their missteps is a worthwhile goal. But when you use that goal to justify hatred of people based on lifestyle or sexuality, or use it to force behavior from people who need help, rather than harsh commandments, then you've lost the plot.

Beware simple formulas in matters of the heart. The truth is always more complicated, and simplifications, almost inevitably, become abusive in and of themselves.