Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Update: Feeling Scared

So I just talked to a friend who asked how I was doing. Apparently he had recently heard a mutual (if distant) acquaintance of ours announce that the cancer had jumped from one adrenal gland to another, which is why I was having surgery on Thursday. After laughing about it I decided that since people are making up stuff about me that hadn't even occurred to me yet (and I have a good imagination!) I decided it might be a good idea to do one of those updates I said I would do. So here we go.

No, the cancer hasn't "jumped" anywhere. It is highly unlikely to be in the other mass, but we need to make sure, hence the surgery. There is one major concern haunting me, though.

I made the mistake of looking into the possibility of living without any adrenal glands online. One testimonial in particular sounded hauntingly like being lobotomized, and so now I find myself scared that I will go to sleep on the table and wake up someone else, someone who can't get excited about things, who lacks the energy and excitement that so many people think makes me me.

It's a terrifying thought... in this moment, more terrifying than the cancer that might not even be there.

I try to keep this all in check by remembering that the Doctors do not plan to remove that gland lightly... they're even willing to open me all the way up in order to avoid it if they must. They know we don't want that gland gone.

So yeah, I'm scared. Not the first time since the diagnosis and certainly not the last. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

Reader Question- Fighting Equality Is Sin

Thoughts on the Supreme Court Ruling? -Lots of people
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Ok. It's time to stop beating around the bush. Moderate to Liberal Christians do that far too often, trying to play nice in hopes that some of that will rub off on our more conservative leaning brothers and sisters, but too often this happens at the expense of those being hurt by abuses of the Scriptures. You do not promote equality by pandering to those oppose it. You name what they are doing as sin.

If you are actively fighting equality for homosexuals on Christian grounds, then you are sinning. If you are making arguments so that OTHERS will actively fight equality for homosexuals, then you are leading them to sin, which is, you guessed it, sinning. And if you stand by, silent, while others do such and by your silence lead them to believe that you are with them, that is also a sin, at least of omission.

I will put this as clearly as I know how. USING THE BIBLE AND THE SCRIPTURES AS A TOOL OF OPPRESSION IS SIN. This has nothing to do with the sinful nature of their relationships, and everything to do with the sinful nature of your own. You are using scriptures to deny them a tool explicitly created to aid sexual relationships that had been destroyed by sin. That is what marriage is.

Here are things that have been accomplished by those who campaign against equal rights for homosexuals. Children have been torn away from loving parents, or denied them entirely. Sick or injured people have been denied access to their loved ones during times of crisis, and loved ones barred from ICU's and funerals. Life partners have been denied health benefits, treated as less than people.

These. Are. Sinful. Acts.

To DO any of things, or to condone them, is just about as sinful as it gets. And to use the scriptures as rationale, to use the gift of the Holy Spirit to somehow argue that your own petty bigotry is in the right? That goes beyond sin, to sin of the Holy Spirit, which according to at least one scripture is the ONLY unforgivable sin.

This isn't about all those people who are finally able to marry. Are their sexual relationships sinful? Yeah. So are yours. Humans who have sex will sin. Humans will sin. Marriage is one (flawed) tool to help us navigate that, and now they have the same tools you have. That's a good thing. I'm not worried about them. I am worried about you.

YOU, by fighting their right to marry, are sinning. And you are doing so in the name of God. The fact that you think you are doing so at the will of God just makes it worse. That you could look at the joy people found in each others arms and be offended, that you could watch people denied this right for decades cry in raw happiness at finally being acknowledged to be people and feel anger, that you could deny the love they have for each other and somehow think that such an act is itself loving is... well, it's appalling.

Completely appalling.

I believe in the forgiveness of Christ, and that nothing can separate us from the love of God. So I believe you will find forgiveness. But when your time comes, and you are called on to answer for the sins of your life and find the real NEED for that forgiveness, I have no doubt that among those sins will be the way you looked at a victory of LOVE, WHEN GOD IS LOVE, and saw it as a defeat.

Stop worrying about their sins, and START worrying about your own.


Saturday, June 27, 2015

Top 5 Conversations You Should Have BEFORE You Get Married

Good morning, and welcome to the reality that you weren't dreaming... Marriage Equality for gays and lesbians IS now the law in all American territories. We are no longer bound to the political or theological whims of others, the battle is won, and in general, people are happy about it. Not everyone, though. Apparently some (rather dim) Twitter users have been threatening to move to Canada over the recent court cases... nothing like avoiding Obamacare and gay marriage by moving to a country with universal healthcare that approved gay marriage a decade ago.

But I digress! Now that Marriage Equality is really a thing, a lot of couple are queuing up at the courthouses to get hitched. For a lot of them this is simply a formality, the last, finally legal step they have been waiting for for decades, and blessings to each of them. But others are doing it simply because they can... and that worries me, because great as Marriage can be, it can also suck.

For instance, back when I married Rose, there were literally millions of people I COULD have legally married, but very, very few of them (possibly just one) would have actually been a good idea.

As a Pastor, I require five sessions of Pre-marital Counseling before each marriage that I preside over. Without the sessions, I don't do the marriage. But my rules are often not what people expect: I am not grading their relationship, or "checking if it's holy." What I am doing is making sure that 5 key conversations have taken place by instigating them in these sessions. I assure people that no matter what their answers are, I WILL marry them so long as A) they are doing the work and B) there are no signs of abuse.

And now, for anyone who cares what I think about stuff, here are the 5 conversations you REALLY ought to have before you marry somebody.

1: Who are you from?
You'd be amazed how little some people talk to each other about who they actually are. Dating in America is complicated process wherein two people work to impress the other, having fun, doing fun things, etc. But dating is special time and can often be oddly detached from the realities we actually live in, and the biggest gap is often home family.

Family is embarrassing, even when they're not horrible. They are like walking baby pictures, giving sometimes disturbingly deep insights into WHY we are who we are. Meeting them isn't a perfect fix, either, because meeting the family is like a job interview... too much pressure wanting to be liked to really learn that much about them.

So my recommendation is to have each of you write out a simple family tree that includes as many relatives (and important friends) you can manage. And then, once you have the names, mark the relationships. Who are really tight? Who doesn't get along? Who has been abusive, and to whom? Who is still alive, which deaths really hurt, who will be in the bridal party, who will NOT be invited, and why.

It may end up looking something like this:



This, of course, is a very simple example. Put in as much info as you can, and then walk through it with your fiance. Even if you don't think they'll be seeing much of your family, you are connecting them to them, so it's only fair to let them know what they are getting into.



2: Financial Expectations

Everyone has some expectation of what married life looks like. VERY few actually put much thought into what its financial realities will be. This often comes from our families... it doesn't occur to us that there is more than one way for a family to operate. So talk about how you think the household will actually run. Who will be working? Who will pay bills? Who will balance checkbooks? If a job requires the family to move, will you? And whose? If both of you can't keep your careers, whose has priority?

Unless you happen to start out on the same page, this will lead to arguments. THAT IS A GOOD THING. It is far better to have the argument now, over a theoretical, then when an actual crisis is over your heads. Once both partners know the others expectations, you can then work out an actual plan between the two of you.

3: Sexual Expectations

This is always a fun one for me, because nothing makes people more uncomfortable than talking about sex with their pastor. Ah, fun times, great awkwardness. Well, I probably won't be there to have "the talk" with you, but like above, write down your sexual expectations and then share them. How often do you like to have sex? do you like to experiment, or do you prefer to keep what you like going?

Also, this is when we discuss what consent looks like. This talk is NOT a blank check consent form. But it is a great way to discuss the little clues we give for when we are in the mood or not in the mood. If you have had sex before this talk, it's also a good time to talk about previous times. Did you really want sex that one time, or was there a clue I missed that said you weren't? That one time you were kind of hinting that you wanted sex and I said no, was it just a hint or did you REALLY want it, and then you felt rejected?

Again, this can lead to arguments and hurt feelings, but it is important to discuss. The marriage bed should be an AWESOME place, and little unseen signs and hint can make it not be that, so cut through the coyness and lay it all out there. You may be surprised just how much better you sex can be after this conversation, which couples sometimes share with me, when they want ME to be the one who suddenly feels awkward.

4. Family Expectations

Do you want kids? How many? Do you have a gender preference? Name preference? How should they be raised? Will religion play a role in your family, and if so, what and how? Do you just HAVE to be a member of a certain church? Would you rather be caught dead than in church pew?

This will cross over some with the previous two conversations, and that is fine. It may also bring back up old arguments. Also fine. Better to get it all out ahead of time. And if the two partners have different religious expectations that they intend to stick to (which CAN work, though it will be hard) have a definite plan in place for any children raised. It is important that this plan respect both parents and allows the child to make their own decisions without allowing this to play one parent against the other. I go into this in more detail here. 

Oh, this is also a good time to discuss how you argue. Have each partner describe what the OTHER does when arguing. Are they aggressive? Passive-aggressive? Are they out for understanding, or just to win? Are they pushing for their agenda, or just pushing for peace? How can you honor the other's wishes while still communicating your own needs?

(If this proves problematic, get a marriage counselor. They aren't just for crisis control... using a counselor for simple maintenance can go a long way in keeping a marriage happy.)

5. The Wedding

After all of that, setting up the actual wedding seems like it would be easy, but sometimes it isn't. Have both partners write their expectations for the ceremony down and then share them. This is a beautiful thing you're doing, and so everyone should get at least some of what they were expecting from it.

I also recommend, if your wedding is gonna be shindig, to set aside a bit of time a couple of days before where you and your partner can just go and have some time together NOT involved in anything having to do with the wedding, like a date or just some downtime. I sometimes offer this as a 6th session, where we go to a restaurant together and I sit somewhere else and read so the couple can have some quiet alone time that the family won't interrupt because THEY'RE WITH THE PASTOR. This can be hugely important for mental health.

These conversations are not perfect, and they don't guarantee anything. But if you have them before you get married, you will finish the wedding with a plan for what life will look like, and know the arguments ahead of you in advance. Believe me, it WILL be worth it.

Now have fun, and good luck!

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Claiming Race

So with all of the fallout surrounding the strange case of Rachel Dolezal, I have been more than a little bit apprehensive. For all the people... many of whom have opinions I respect... who say that it's just plain wrong to claim a race that isn't your own, I always had a slight ick. It wasn't that long ago that a trans person would be nigh-universally rejected, and YES, I know the cases are very different for a myriad of reasons. It still gives me the ick.

But I'll tell you what Rachel has done that many of her white detractors HAVEN'T... and that is claimed the concept of race for herself.

One of the pillars of white privilege is that, for us, the concept of race tends to be optional. Coming from centuries of being the de facto default, a white person can choose to engage with the concept of race or not. In fact, it's almost preferred (among white people, anyway) that we DON'T, because the only white people we see really claiming their race are white supremacists, and who really wants to be in that club?

There have been lots of causes for racial outrage recently, from Ferguson to Baltimore to Rachel to Charleston. I have seen plenty of people showing that outrage, many of them white as I am. And nearly universally (I say nearly, but I am having trouble thinking of an exception) the outrage has all been given in the third person. Talking about white privilege as if it were something someone else was doing, or talking about "white people" as if the twitter-er was talking about a group they didn't belong to.

This is, of course, how systems of racial prejudice work, how they thrive. We get irritated with others when they claim race isn't an issue, but we're not much better when we, as white people, act like race isn't OUR issue. We want to look at race as an entity separate from ourselves, hide from it, or act as if "white people" is a group we aren't members of, so we can properly scold it. And in so doing, we perpetuate it by enacting one of the greatest privileges white people have... pretending that we are just people, rather than white people.

I don't think it comes from an evil place, or a malevolent place. After all, after being shown example after example of white people who openly claim their whiteness being horrible, it is entirely understandable to not want to be seen as one of them. We may not use makeup or hairstyles to do it, but we DO IT... even when we are trying to address the problems caused by racial differences.

We can't stand outside of the system to judge it... that only perpetuates the system, and does so by using its tools. We do it because we'd really like to judge the system but would rather not judge ourselves in the process, and in so doing we become yet another "white moderate" like MLK JR talked about, thinking ourselves as superior to those "racist whites," but every bit as much of the problem as them. Sure, we may not hold the gun in the prayer meeting, or order militarized police to the protest, but we support the system that creates the ones who do.

It's time to drop to the third person language when we are talking about ourselves. It's time to stop talking about "white privilege" and start talking about "OUR privilege," it's time to stop talking about "them" and start talking about "us."

And in the process, it's time to find a way to reclaim white pride in a way that doesn't degrade others. Because if we can't find a way to be proud of our racial identity we'll never use it. And if we never use it, then we will continue to treat race as an external problem, thinking of "white people" as a group with voluntary membership, and continue perpetuating the very system that we can't quite seem to get rid of.

We have a problem, White people. And we also have a lot of power. That's a dangerous combination. Other races are asking us to please get our act together. That will never happen if the only ones holding the reins of "white people" are those who think that power is precisely where it belongs.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

The Ultimate Subversion

Yesterday I was very angry. Yesterday I wrote about the problems I share with my fellow Caucasians, how broken we are as a society, how great the problems we have are. I had finished watching the segment of the bond hearing where the Judge urged us to see the Charleston's shooters family as "victims" and got sick to my stomach.

We are broken, have no doubt.

But then, a while later, I watched the rest of the video, and listened, along with Dylann Roof, as the families of those he killed forgave him.

It was stunning. It was powerful. The media, which has never really gotten what Christianity is actually about (for which they can hardly be blamed, too many Westboro Baptists out there diluting the message) was stunned, and hardly knew what to say. Even quite a few Christians I have read, who SHOULD know what we are about, have almost rolled their eyes. "Yeah, yeah, we're supposed to forgive, but REALLY I'll bet what they want..."

No. This wasn't simply meaningless Christianspeak. This was powerful, perhaps the most powerful and positive act of Christian love the greater public has seen in years. This is who we are supposed to be, what we are supposed to do. Amidst the cacophony of voices claiming Christianity in terms of condemnation and judgement this group of families stood up and served notice of what the faith really looks like.

And whatever you do, do not mistake this as a passive act, of sitting back just hoping things will okay. That is not how Christian love works. It is neither a hand-waving of an offense or a defense of the status quo (for more on that, read MLK Jr.'s letters from Birmingham Jail). It was a bold judgement on our society in general, and a defeat of Dylann Roof specifically.

Because Dylann Roof isn't crazy. This wasn't the act of a madman. This was a considered act, weighed within the worldview he was raised in and carried out with a specific purpose... the desire to start a war. These were to be the first shots, shots he expected to be reciprocated. I don't know how much farther out he planned it, but given recent events, such as in Ferguson or Baltimore, it wasn't far fetched. White person shoots black people, black people attack white people, and then the authorities come in, do what they've been doing recently and then boom... the war is on.

And it might have worked. His acts caused anger, no doubt, and every act of the legal authorities surrounding him seemed to enrage the situation further. You could read the smugness in his face as he was arrested calmly, in front of the cameras. It was what he wanted, how he thought things would go.

That look remained until the bond hearing, when something happened that he didn't expect. The families did not curse him, did not howl for his blood, did not demand that he face them and then rush him in an act of bloody vengeance. They forgave him. They refused to give him the war he wanted. Despite living in a world that routinely mistakes vengeance for justice, despite every voice around them expecting them to come after him with the same hatred that sent him after their loved ones, despite being given every reason to believe that the Justice System did not have their best interests, or even justice, at heart... they forgave him.

And in doing that, they have won. In doing that they defeated him, and shamed him, showing him that the assumptions he'd made about his world were wrong, showing him that they weren't the animals he believed them to be, but rather were more human than anyone he'd ever known.

The trial continues. We owe it to ourselves, as a nation, to see to it that justice is done. To see that this act of racial hatred is punished as such, to show to our African American brothers and sisters that THEY are our brothers and sisters, and not terrorists who commit hate crimes against them. We still have to get this right.

But for those families, they have already won. They will mourn their loved ones, but they are free of Dylann Roof's power. They have defeated him utterly. And THAT is what victory in Christ looks like.

Friday, June 19, 2015

The Problem With Us

Hey there, fellow U.S. Caucasians. It's time for some straight talk.

It seems like everytime there is an act of violence involving (however peripherally) a person of color in the US, voices ring out about how members of that particular race or ethnic group need to get together and get their house in order. Such claims are ludicrous, of course, based in arrogance and self-righteous superiority.

But I'm a guy who gets a lot of things wrong. So just in case, let's run that drill. It's time for us to get OUR house in order. The first step is admitting that we have a problem, and make no mistake, white folks, we have a problem.

I have a theory as to why the media is so eager to name violent people of color "terrorists" while white shooters are named "mentally-ill." Terrorism is systemic, a symptom of a larger problem that will not simply go away just because a single perpetrator, or even a group of perpetrators, is put away. For a society to consistently create terrorists there must be something in that society that is very, very wrong.

Wait! Do NOT run to the comments board just yet to tell me about how you've been saying that there is something wrong with Islamic culture blah, blah, blah. We're running YOUR drill, remember? But we're talking about US. About white people, and our own society.

If we were to call the white perpetrators of the past few years "terrorists," then we would be forced to acknowledge that there was something systemically wrong with US. Instead, we talk about mental illness, which is individual, unique. A mentally ill person is not contagious, so once they are contained, matter over, nothing to mess with.

But there IS something systemically wrong. With US... white people.

Just look at us. We're addicted to violence. It permeates every facet of our society. Our movies, our games, our sports. We worship our soldiers when they are in the field, and abandon them when they come home. We glorify the concept of "one man making justice" with a gun even as we watch hundreds use that mind set to destroy lives.

And we're afraid. Deeply, nearly pathologically afraid. And it's the fear of the bully. Bullies are often those who find themselves with power over others and then become afraid of losing it. We grew up fast, did White America, and quickly (on a historical scale) became the big boys on the playground. But we see that slipping. The world doesn't necessarily want to do what white America tells it to do anymore and that has us terrified.

So what do we do? We turn to what we know, and what we know is violence. To the image of the lone gunman, or the cavalry coming over the hill, or the good ol' boys marching back in World War 2, a time when we KNEW we were being heroic. So we go to war with nations that could never face us in a straight fight, bomb them from afar with drones. Or we take out our guns, and go to set things RIGHT... regardless of what, precisely, we decided was wrong.

Possibly the worst thing is that I think we know we have a problem, and I see that not in the think pieces or interviews that say "we have a problem..." but in the pieces that deny it. They are desperate, nearly hysterical with the need to deny our problem. Facts and history seem not to mean anything, demanding that we claim, over and over again, that nothing is wrong, when something is clearly wrong.

In such behavior I do not see the behavior of someone evil, or someone stupid. Instead, I see the behavior of an addict. Have you ever confronted an addict who didn't want to admit their problem? Their response gets hysterical, denies plainly obvious facts, or gets very, very angry... all to cover a truth as plain to them as anyone else. They have a problem.

We deny it because we don't want to stop. We take comfort in the knowledge that no one in the world could take us on and come away from it unscathed. That we hold the power of ultimate violent settlement both in overseas policy and in domestic dispute. We LIKE knowing that if those folks who don't look like us get out of line, we can roll in the tanks and the armed soldiers, either in the gear of our armed forces or of our police forces. And we have lived that way for so long that we can't imagine life without it.

And so we justify it. We point to human rights violations overseas while ignoring the state of our own migrant workers and our treatment of minorities. We point to acts of military violence while ignoring that we are the only country in the world to ever detonate a nuclear weapon in an act of war.  We point to systems of fear and oppression in other cultures while ignoring that, ever since World War 2, most of those systems were, either directly or indirectly, constructed at least with our encouragement.

We want to believe that when it is one of our own who commits an atrocity, that their actions do not reflect on the rest of us, all the while holding the rest of the world accountable for the actions of their outliers. But that is the critical difference... others cannot influence our actions unless we allow them to. WE have the power to influence everybody.

I don't think that it is hopeless. There have been voices of sanity from all over our spectrum. Even as Fox and Friends called this an attack on religion (much like how the Lincoln Assassination was an attack on live theater) Bill O'Reilly named it an act of racism and terrorism. Good on him. As voice after voice clamored to defend the Confederate flag, a member of the board of the Southern Baptist Church called for it to finally be retired.

This is progress. We aren't hopeless. We CAN learn. We can allow ourselves to listen to those who aren't quite us... we can even elect one president. We can, if we work on it, deal with our addiction to violence, channel that energy into other, safer things. (I don't actually think it is an accident that violent crime has decreased with the advent of video games, for instance.) And maybe we can learn even from our hunting and target shooting culture, where we can place our gun mythology safely in realm of sport, rather than the realm of justice or defense.

I have to hope so. Because as it stands now, improved or not, there is a lot of work to be done. Because we are violent. We are scared. And we are very, very powerful.


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Help in times of Grief

My coworkers had a baby two months ago. The little guy was diagnosed with HGH this past Monday, and this morning we got a message from the dad about the treatment. The poor baby probably won't be coming home from the hospital. I know sitting around the office crying doesn't do anybody any good. We can't donate leave to the dad because of company policy. Do you have any ideas for practical help?
Thanks, Siz

-----------------

Thanks for writing in, Siz.

Grief is a strange thing. Everyone copes with it differently, and so without knowing your friend better, or the details of your company policy, it's hard to come up with a specific answer. My best (generic) advice is to send a card, saying that you're thinking of his family and are available if he needs something.

But I want to focus on one of the premise of your question... that sitting around the office crying won't do anyone any good. It's an assumption made by a lot of people that I have met, an artifact of some cultural impulse that pushes us to "not just sit around" and "do something practical."

But allowing yourself to cry can actually be VERY helpful.

Grief is a process, and you're obviously feeling grief at your friends terrible loss. I'm guessing that you would never, in a million years, tell them to just "suck it up." So why should you? Sure, some people showboat their grief, and in so doing remove focus from those who need it, but at this particular moment you're not getting in their way, you are simply acknowledging that you are sad, and allowing yourself to cope with those feelings.

Where this helps THEM is if/when they DO take you up on an offer of help, or even just when they come back to work, your own internal feelings have been given the time to air and heal, allowing you to focus on them if they need it. Sure, they may just need you to cry with them some, but doing so will be a choice, not an imperative for you.

We cry because we need to. Sure, there are times and situations where we need to suppress it so that we can get stuff done, but in general if something makes you want to cry, it is far better to allow it than to suppress it. Suppressed feelings in general have a tendency to back up on someone, and backed up grief is worse than a backed up toilet.

Good luck as you walk with your friends, and remember that, sometimes, the best thing we can do for people who are grieving a loss is be there for them when they need us to be.

(Oh, and remember that it isn't your job to cheer them up. Let them be sad as long as they need it.)

Friday, June 12, 2015

Vlog- Questions, Day 3


Breakthrough of the day- I can now laugh without guilt at cancer jokes!

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

The Next Step

A few nights ago, out of my mind on painkillers and generally philosophical about life and the world around me, I was talking to my brother about how things come and go in seasons. I was especially wondering what the next step for this blog would be. A little less than a year ago I kicked it up largely as a way to archive the answers I was writing for people on ANF about this, that, or the other. For awhile, I was amazed at the volume of questions I have received here, and with over 20,000 pageviews, Ask Pastor Dan has unquestionably been my single-best viewed bit of writing. Odd, given that it sticks to the realm of non-fiction, where I always see myself as a story teller.

Well, I have found that next step. I am keeping it non-fiction, but now I will have a story to tell.

Those who have been paying attention to my various cries for attention will be very much aware of the fact that I recently had surgery to remove an enlarged adrenal gland. The surgery was more complex than was initially envisioned and I ended up needing more recovery time than we had initially hoped for, but otherwise all was well and we were just waiting for the pathology report on the removed gland.

Well it has come in, and the news isn't good; they found cancer in the gland.

You know, I keep phrasing it like that. It's easier, I suppose. Like the cancer is the gland's problem and I am just someone it's inconveniencing. Stupid gland. I guess it is time to put it in writing: I have cancer.

The cancer I have is an extremely rare variety which was why all my doctors were so sure I DIDN'T have it until the biopsy came in. Even my oncologist doesn't know a lot about it, which is a problem when you have an imagination as overactive as mine... baring actual science facts, I can make up all KINDS of shit.

I will continue trying to answer questions that I receive in the format that Ask Pastor Dan has followed to this point, but going forward I am going to, on top of all of that, be telling my story as a cancer patient here, with my own limited and flawed view on things. Hopefully, this story will be very straightforward and boring, only to say that it all got removed when they removed the gland and now I just need to add an additional doctor's visit to keep an eye on things. If it becomes more, well, maybe it will serve to raise awareness of... stuff, I guess? I could easily write my own version of the Fault in Our Stars but again, overactive imagination, it isn't good to look too far ahead.

A few clarifications of what this will not be... I do not intend to use this as a fundraiser. One of the perks of being a Presbyterian Pastor is that I have some of the best health insurance available in the US, and so while the process won't be cheap, it should be within our means. I am blessed to be surrounded by people who work to care for others, and so I suspect that neither myself or Rose will ever really want financially while we deal with this. That wouldn't be true for a huge portion of the rest of the world, and so if my story inspires you to want to help financially (as some of you have tried to do for me in the past, you awesome lot) go ahead and find people who are not so privileged as I am and help them instead, knowing that I am well cared for.

As before, this will not be a direct evangelism tool... as in I will never write a post designed as a come to Jesus moment for any of you. While the people who make up my audience are precisely the sort of people I want in the church, that's just not how I roll. Now, if something I write makes you want to think about engaging your faith life, I am always happy to talk about that, too. But my point isn't propaganda. Of course, I may be talking about faith in some pretty serious context in the months to come... so be ready for it.

Finally, I don't see it being morose. Morbid, perhaps, but as a card carrying member of the humor as a defense mechanism crowd, I will be looking for the funny in my situation as hard as I can. I'll laugh at myself for being so dramatic if this all turns out to be nothing, and squeezing every ounce of joy I can get out of the moments should the worst happen.

And I will be honest, answering your questions and my own as truthfully I can within my context. I think that is the real reason people have put up with me so far. I am going to give as honest a portrayal of the life of an adrenal cancer patient as I can manage. That is the next step of "Ask Pastor Dan."

I hope you'll take it with me.

Thanks for reading,
Dan

Monday, June 1, 2015

Charlie, Charlie- I wouldn't worry.

So recently a decent number of Christian adults lost their collective minds on the internet. I know, this is hardly a rare enough occurrence to really require talking about but this particular instance struck me as particularly stupid.

For those of you who aren't regular followers of Christianity Today, the Evangelical magazine recently posted an article about a warning from a Catholic "exorcist" warning that the child's game, Charlie, Charlie, poses real danger as it involves "summoning a demon."

Now, I had never even heard of Charlie, Charlie before this article came out, which I am fairly certain is true for most of the adults panicking around it since this article was put out, but looking into it further it looks something like one of a thousand such "fortune teller games" that kids play in school when they're bored and have only paper and writing utensils at hand. Apparently the demon being summoned is from Mexico, and inexplicably named "Charlie."

(Oh, yes, the ancient Mexican Demon Charlie! FEAR!)

Ugh.

I've had a couple of people ask me for my input on this and so, what the hey, I'll share it with you all as well. For starters, to the question; "WHAT CAN THIS ARTICLE TELL US?" It tells us that Christianity Today is apparently not above click-bait in the same way that the sea is not above the clouds.

This article (which I shall not link, but its not hard to find via google if you wish) is curious for a number of reasons, not the least of which is, since when does Christianity Today, a Protestant, Evangelical leaning conservative Christian magazine, give two hoots about what ANYone from the Vatican thinks?

OHHH, but this guy is an EXORCIST. So it's spooky Christian mysticism, is it? OOOOH! I bet people will click to read that.

The great irony of this is that, like I said, games such as this one come and go all the time, played by generation after generation of children, and mass demonic attacks have, as yet, failed to manifest as result of them. We as adults know this, because we played them ourselves, and our souls remain blissfully intact. Part of the Christian faith is the belief that Christ triumphed over the powers of hell. If that triumph can be overcome by some bored kids with notebook paper, then we may want to look into a more powerful divine force.

Also, for the love of God, THINK people! All you need to play the game is some paper and pencils. If you're going to run around like chickens with your heads cut off over this game, forbidding your children to play it, saying that a REAL EXORCIST says that it WORKS, you know what your kids are going to do the moment you're out of eyeshot? The same exact thing YOU did when YOUR parents warned you about Ouija boards.

If you're really worried about demonic communication, you're doing a hell of a job advertising for Charlie.

But that's ok. In time, Charlie, Charlie will be forgotten, and our kids will be scrambling to forbid the play of Paulo, Paulo in an attempt to summon an ancient demon from Bangladesh.