So since I started taking questions from Nerdfighters more than a year ago (wow) I have had numerous folks send me a request for help with a loved one who became one of "those Christians." We all know the type... the uber-fundamentalist who feels the need to moralize on everything, only does stuff if they have "proper Christian value," can't speak five sentences without commenting on the salvific status of everyone in the room, etc.
You know the type. I know the type.
Often, the Nerdfighters asking these questions does not attend the same church their loved one does, or does not attend any church at all. They often have a lot of anger for that church, especially the minister, and can't imagine how to reach out to their loved one who is gobbling up everything that guy is saying every Sunday Morning.
This is usually when I get a compliment along the lines of, "I wish they had a pastor more like YOU..." and I thank them for the compliment and then help them start processing on how to talk to their loved one. But here is a secret... I've had church members in my church like that, too. I've been frustrated with those members. So having me as a pastor was not proof against a church having some of "those Christians."
But that made me think. It is natural, when a loved one makes such a drastic turn, to assume that the local church, or at least its pastor, are the ones responsible for the turn. But this is far from always the case. We live in an age where information about literally anything can always be attained from some source or another. Christian Radio is a good example. (I've actually had it out with people running nearby Christian radio stations on a couple of occasions.)
So when you are worried about your loved one, if you're not sure of the place where they attend church... give it a shot. And if you think your loved one needs help, it might be worth dropping the pastor a line to see if they would be a useful ally on this. Now sometimes, they won't be. Sometimes they ARE the source of the insanity.
But sometimes they won't be. And on those occasions, it is possible that they will actually stand up and help you see to it that your loved one maybe hears enough voices encouraging them to get the help they need.
I know that we pastors have screwed up often enough that a bunch of people don't think we're worth the effort, and as it will be your effort, that is entirely up to you. But if you're at your wits end, it may be worth at least reaching out to them. Give them the opportunity to be awesome. If it works, you'll have a good ally to reach out to your loved one.
HI Dan,
ReplyDeleteI'm a Pastor of an Evangelical, theologically conservative Church. So I expect there's plenty points of theology we'd disagree on. But I thank you for your defense of the pastorate. Well done. I do wonder however if "those Christians," is helpful way of speaking about people one disagrees with? Might this way of thinking of it be part of the reason for the break down in communication? Just a thought...
That's a good point, Rev. Curtis. And sometimes, it surely would be. That said, I wasn't sure how else to put it. Get too precise, and I am talking about a specific theology, as opposed to an unhealthy way of living one's faith.
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