A Parent's Calling

"My daughter just came out of the closet to me as a Lesbian, and I don't know what to do."

I hadn't been PLANNING on doing Pastoral Care. I was just getting a haircut. But the Lord tends not to care much about days off or personal schedules, and this man, likely attending a church that wouldn't be particularly jazzed about this state of affairs, heard that I was also a Pastor and thought he'd try me out first.

His daughter, his little girl, his perfect princess... a lesbian. His stylist had just shook her head and said something to the tune of "Well, kids these days are different," and he looked at me, clearly expecting a sermon on the failings of a parent and a command to get his daughter back in line.

He certainly wasn't expecting the first thing I said: "First of all, Congratulations."

The room froze. I feel somewhat fortunate that I hadn't said it right as my stylist was making a clip or I might have lost some blood. He stared at me like I had just turned into a duck. "What?"

"Your daughter. She came out to you. That means that, somewhere along the line, you did something in your parenting to give her reason to believe, or at least hope, that her Dad would be loving and understanding with that information. Not everyone manages that. So Congratulations. Somewhere along the line, you did the right thing, fulfilling the baptism vows you made, and you can see that now. Well done."

The room stayed quiet for a bit. Haircuts resumed. "But... what do I do?"

"What you've been trying to do for her whole life." I said with a smile. "Love her, support her, and show her that the trust she just put in you was well placed. There are folks who might bad mouth her, attack her, treat her as lesser for who she is. If anyone had done that to her up to now, what would her Daddy's response have been?"

"I'd have punched them in the teeth."

I laugh. "Or at least make sure they are VERY much aware that your daughter, a beloved child of God, deserves their respect, and that if they can't show that respect to her, they certainly shouldn't expect any from her family. You're proud of her, and if they can't handle that, that's on them, not on her."

He nodded a bit, had a bit of a smile on his face. "Always told her not to settle."

"Good job, Dad." I give him a little fist bump. "Make sure she hears that before she goes home. And if you said anything between when she told you and now that might make her think you love her less, apologize for it quick, and make it right. We all make mistakes."

He got up and paid, and my stylist went back to trying to tame the incredible puff of hair I'd allowed to accumulate on my own head. "My niece..." she said, hesitantly. "She's a Lesbian. But her Dad doesn't know."

I look up at her sadly. "That's her choice."

"But he could..."

"It's her choice. He must not have made her think he could handle it. But she did tell you?"

"Yeah, ages ago. Back when she was in college."

"Does she still talk to you?"

"All the time! What should I do?"

"Talk to her. And love her. If she needs more help, she'll let you know. Oh, and by the way..."

"Yeah?"

"Congratulations, Aunt. Good job."

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