Reader Question- How do you save someone from themselves?

Hey Dan, I know a lot of people who have been hurt by the church (myself included). My question is how can you save someone who doesn't know that they're drowning, or how can I save Christians from themselves?  -Joey

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Thanks for writing in, Joey!

Well, there's only one sure-fire method I know of, and it involves dying on a cross. A bunch of people have tried this method, and only one actually succeeded that I have heard of, but that one time was a DOOZY.

I'm not entirely sure what you're asking me, here. One way of reading it would be, how do you convince a Christian that the church they are in is hurting them? I'll give that one a swing. 

The first step here is to be sure it's actually hurting them, as opposed to offending you. While the second can certainly lead to the first, you can't always assume the first from experiencing the second. I have known plenty of churches that I would have considered harmful, and that would have been to me, but provided homes and communities for people who desperately needed them.

Churches are a LOT like families, and a person can put up with a lot coming from their family. It's very rare that a family is completely healthy, since families are, on the whole, made up almost entirely of humans. So there will always be problems. And the problem that is so glaring, so hurtful, so (dare I say it) triggering to you, may simply not be to them. I know some people who are crushed emotionally by the barest hint of sarcasm. In my family, it was practically a love language. That said, like other families, some churches go beyond foibles and are truly abusive.

So step two... once you have established that the problem is that the church is abusive, rather than just not for you. If the abuse is criminal (physical or sexual abuse) you don't hesitate, but get the authorities involved. That is NOT the time to dilly-dally trying to convince your friend that they are being hurt. Force the issue yourself before things get worse. 

If things aren't quite so clear-cut and simple, then you try to show your friend how they are being hurt, and that there are alternatives. This will not be easy. Again, think of a family. This person has likely put a lot of energy into trying to make things with this church work, and when rationalizations that strong are in place, they're not likely to let them go just because you point out some problems.

Be kind, be patient, be honest, and be there for them when they need you.

"Saving someone from themselves" sounds great, but is rarely successful. As nearly any addiction center will tell you, in the end, people have to be willing to save themselves. If they're not, in the end, there won't be much you can do besides walk the journey with them.