My wife and I are moving to a new city and we met the pastor at First Pres after worship. He said they're considering breaking away from PCUSA over the Palestine resolution and various queer-friendliness. What questions should I think about when deciding whether to join that church or find one with more liberal commitments? Thanks and DFTBA! -Ben
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For starters, I wouldn't blame you for simply moving on. That's a pretty big double whammy to receive right at the outset of a church relationship.It'd be hard to get over that kind of a first impression. (An earlier question asked if there was some sort of shrub that indicated LGBT friendliness. Leaving the denomination in this way is sort of an indication of the opposite.)
But, if you would like to try to stick it out, here are my list of questions that you want to ask yourself when considering if a church is for you, in order of importance.
1: Do I like the social atmosphere?
This one used to be "Are the people friendly," until I met a sweet lady who used to attend my church regularly until her social anxieties got too much from her. My people were too friendly, she knew that was a good thing, but it gave her anxiety attacks and ultimately she gave up for a mega church where she could be invisible, until she needed pastoral care when she called me. Sigh.
The point is that churches each have their own atmosphere and you should really attend one that helps you feel at home. If you're too busy being distracted by how isolated you feel or how overwhelmed you are to ever actually worship, then nothing else that will happen during the service matters.
2: Does the worship feel worshipful?
There are thousands of styles of Christian worship out there, each with its own blend of theology, music, and cultural influence. Most (I can't bring myself to say all) have their own merit, there own worth as worship. Which won't matter in the slightest if it doesn't feel like worship to you.
That isn't to say you have to LIKE everything. Worship in church is a group activity, and so cannot be slavishly styled to any one person's tastes. But at the end of the day you need to be able to let go of distractions and participate. Everyone has a certain range of worship types where that is possible. If the church you are in does not fit your range, then you should probably keep looking.
3: Is the Pastor worth listening to?
We can usually tell this within three sermons. The first might be a fluke, the second might be a rut, but if after three sermons you just can't muster any enthusiasm, then probably that pastor isn't for you. They may be a brilliant orator, or at least have something good to say, but it is all for nothing if you just can't hear it for whatever reason. Treat a new Pastor like a new counselor... whether or not you are willing to listen to them is every bit as important as whether or not they actually have anything to say.
4: Are there any cute girls in attendance?
Sorry, that was from my list of questions for finding a church while single in college. And to be honest, it was probably #1 at the time. Moving right along.
5: Is the church close enough to where I live that I will actually go?
My favorite church that I attended in College was an hour and a half away. It had everything, a great atmosphere, brilliant worship, a great preaching Pastor and SO many cute single girls. But... it was an hour and a half away. It meant waking up at 5:30 am to get to church on time, and as often as my friends and I SWORE we would make it work... we only managed it a few times before the excuses started cropping up. Too tired, too much studying to do, etc. What was worse, we didn't go anywhere else either, because that was where we said we went to church. It took a few months but eventually we realized that if we were going to have a church home, it needed to be in town. We ended up finding a pretty great place.
6: Can you see yourself still there after a decade or so?
A church family is just that, a family, and so unless you are living a life where you expect to move more frequently, you are connecting with a group of people for the long haul. And they probably won't get better. They will still be who they are, only more so, because the longer you are around the more you'll know about them as you become part of the furniture.
This can be a hard call which is why it is so low on the list, but as time passes, keep it in mind.
7: What do I think of their politics?
Some might be surprised to see this so low on the list, because it often gets treated much higher. As I said at the outset of this answer, the ideology going on may have already soured you, and if so, it's okay to move along. But if you find a church where all the above questions are answered in a positive way...
Church politics are strange. Again, it's like family. We love our relatives, even if sometimes we just avoid certain subjects entirely when we get together. If you find a place where you enjoy the atmosphere, can groove with the worship, enjoy the teaching, and see a future, then it's entirely possible that being the token liberal or conservative won't be an entirely bad thing.
We live in a world that is growing increasingly divided. By putting a beloved face on a less understood ideology, you may be what helps that church to be a positive voice in politics, rather than one defined strictly by theological standards.
Good luck with the church shopping!
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