So it's Holy Week (TM), the week between Palm Sunday and Easter Sunday and there is, shall we say, a LOT going on right now. In addition to the extra services (Maundy Thursday and Good Friday) I get a lot of people (both members of my church and not) who call on me because this is a time of year when they want to "Get Right With God."
What this often means is that they haven't been to church since last Easter, and want to get in here and talk to me (or at least talk to me on the phone) so that it hasn't been a full liturgical year since the last time they darkened a church's doorstep.
For the record, that sort of thing is amusing to me, at least the first few times it happens each year. As I have told you all often enough, I am not here to issue spiritual report cards. I am, of course, happy to meet with people and offer comfort where it is needed, but about the fourth time I get used as a spiritual life hack, it gets a bit trying, especially when it happens on the busiest week of my year.
So, as you might have guessed, I am a little frazzled this week. So I won't be diving into questions, because I have some good ones in the queue and they deserve far more serious introspection than I am currently capable of. Instead, because I want to keep getting new stuff up, I'm gonna do a sort of FAQ of questions that I get repeatedly, if not necessarily in the context of ANF or the blog.
What is the hardest part of being a pastor?
Dumb Christians. Or Evil Christians. Knowing that whenever I see someone doing something stupid or hateful in the name of my faith that I am, eventually, going to have to answer for it. Because I'm not just a Christian, I'm a Christian leader, and that means that I am, at least somewhat, responsible for trying to make those things happen less often.
What is the best part of being a pastor?
I am invited into a special place in the lives of many different and varied people. I get to perform baptisms, officiate at weddings, and I am one of the few who can get passed nearly any locked door in hospitals. I get to help people at their most vulnerable, and in some of their greatest victories. I get to see the full range of life from my congregation. And I get paid to do it.
What is the strangest thing that has happened to you as a pastor?
The success of Ask Pastor Dan is very certainly in the running, but apparently I give off something of a vibe. I'll have people stopping me on the streets to share their stories, or to ask for prayer, even when I'm not wearing anything that marks me as clergy. One time I was sitting in a Burger King, eating lunch, when this guy just plopped down opposite of me in the booth and started sharing his life story, and asked me to pray for him, after. I did so, and when I asked him why, he just shrugged, said I seemed the type who would, and walked out. I think the weirdest part of being a pastor is the fact that it doesn't seem like I had much of a choice in it... people came to me for pastoring regardless.
What is the best joke you've heard as a Pastor?
I get a fair share of ministry related jokes, but the best ones are the heretical ones. An example:
Word was spreading through heaven that God was going on vacation. This hadn't happened in some time and so the angels were all a-twitter about it, and everyone was wondering where God would go. Finally, the Arch-Angel Micheal decided to just ask. So he walked up to God and said;
"Hey, I hear you're going on vacation!"
God responded, "Well, yeah, I think it's about time."
"Any idea where you'll go?"
"Well, not Earth, that's for certain. I went there about 2,000 years ago, got some Jewish girl pregnant, and those darned Christians haven't stopped talking about it since!"
If you weren't a Pastor, what would you do?
Well, like I said, I probably would be a pastor no matter what I tried. But professionally, I was all geared up to be an English/History teacher. Some kids out there have NO idea how lucky they are. I'd have been a NIGHTMARE.
You say you like to mess with people, as a Pastor. How do you mean?
The first time people at a poker table or in a gaming store find out that I am clergy, I can usually tell who I can mess with. The reactions can be pretty big. My usual trick is pretending that being a Pastor gives me special powers, like God lets me hack the universe. (For those who are wondering, God has not shown any inclination for helping me with die rolls or card pulls.) Still, giving God a wink and thumbs up after a nat 20 or hitting the perfect card on the River has REALLY trolled some people.
Another way has been to show up in odd places with clerical markings, like a collar. It REALLY trips them up at Spencers. Also, one time I was in the Airport where a flight had been delayed. Everyone was being horrible to the Airline Attendant (who has NO power in that situation) and so Rose and I both just sat nearby with big smiles on our faces. Suddenly everyone was a LOT more respectful.
All in hopes of getting a better spiritual grade, I guess.
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