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Thanks for writing, Anonymous. You're not alone.
Addiction is a very serious problem that affects millions, if not billions, of people, whether directly or through relationships that non-addicts have with addicts. Despite this, it is also one of the most misunderstood conditions of the human experience, affecting us physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I'll admit that I have been sitting on your question for awhile now, because I wasn't sure exactly how to tackle it. I am not myself an addict, though some people I love are, and so the temptation to speak as more of an expert than I actually am is very, very real. It was another discussion I saw and participated in that triggered me to finally take a swing at this.
You've asked for advice, and I'll give it... get help. There will be a million little voices in your head giving good reasons not to, reasons from personal embarrassment to worry about the methods a variety of help uses. You have to get passed them, because they're not what they sound like.
Most of those voices are liars. They don't actually worry about judgement, not really. You know that different methods work for different people and there's no way to know what will help you without trying. You know that quitting will be hard work, and you're not actually that scared of the hard work. What you are worried about is simple... you're worried that if you get help, you won't drink anymore, and you really want to drink.
99% of what you hear in your head is along those lines, and they are hurdles you need to get over. Get to a counselor, get to a meeting, and get sober. No one there will judge you... they've all walked the same road. Other people aren't really looking... except maybe if they see some of their own weaknesses in you, and that is their baggage, not yours.
Some people want the Biblical angle, but it's actually fairly simple. We are called to try to be healthy. To respect our bodies. Addiction is a hindrance to that and so needs to be overcome, even while acknowledging that such hindrances are a part of life.
So that is what I have... you've got to go. More goes beyond my experience and I don't want to get in the way of the most important message: GET HELP. Not tomorrow, not eventually, now. I will leave you with a message from someone who understands addiction as an addict, though, a message plenty of people need to see. He says it better than me, all while being funny as well.
If you need to talk more personally, shoot me a message. If you'd rather talk to an expert, you can find one at places like http://www.recovery.org.
God bless. You CAN do it.
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