Hi there, I'm Pastor Dan.
And I really am a Pastor, ordained by the Presbyterian Church, USA after getting my Masters of Divinity and more than 15 years of intense scriptural study, alongside a lifetime of growing up the son of a highly talented minister.
You're probably reading this because it got forwarded to you by someone you care a lot about, and someone you worry about because, you know, they're your child. And they've made some decisions about their lives that you aren't too sure about, especially when it comes to their faith life.
It may even surprise you to see them sending a link to a Pastor's Blog, after some conversations you've had with them. They read this, and knew about me, probably because at some time in the past they had a question about faith and religion and I was available to talk, and they liked what I said enough to keep reading, and keep asking more questions.
And now they've read this, and sent it to you.
I get a great deal of messages from atheists all over the world who are having difficulty with their faithful families, and I understand the difficulty. You love them, you want the best for them, and you believe that "the best for them" includes a rich faith life. You want them to know Jesus the way you do, and you worry about the consequences if they don't.
This has likely led to tension. Arguments, hurtful comments, from you to them and vice versa, because you're human, you're passionate, and you're scared. That can lead to words being said that are hard to unsay and impossible to unhear. Maybe it has led to awkward silences at family get-togethers, or even a lack of get-togethers.
And so, again, it might be surprising that they are reading a Pastor's Blog.
I have a large number of atheist readers and correspondents, and I believe the reason they have chosen to entrust me with their questions and concerns about faith is because I let them come to me. I have promised never to directly evangelize, instead to listen, to advise, and to pray as requested, never more.
The first thing I want to assure you is that I exist, and by virtue of you seeing this open letter, you now know that there is a person of faith out there who your loved one, your child, knows that they can talk to if they need a person of faith to talk to. They know how to reach me and I'm nearly always on call. I promise I will never judge them, or take advantage of them by calling for money or attempting to "steal" them for my church. That's just not what I am about.
The second thing I want to urge you to do is to trust God when it comes to your loved one. You believe in a loving, powerful God who cares for the ones he loves, which regardless of your personal theology I assume at least includes you, and so will care for those you care about as a result.
Finally, the last thing I want to urge you to do is to give your loved one room in matters of faith. The fact that they care at all about what I say means they are at least asking questions and listening, so don't feel the need to press them. Paul felt the need to exhort his listeners twice (In epistles to the Ephesians and the Colossians) on the subject of warning parents not to exasperate or embitter their children.
You don't need to be their pastor, and your time as their disciplinarian has passed. But you can be their parent, modeling the love for them that God showed you by welcoming them home, not with a checklist of stuff they need to achieve or say, but with a hug and a smile, like the Father welcoming the Prodigal son home.
All that is achieved by harassing and nagging them about the faith is driving them further from it and from you, and that helps no one. Instead, focus on loving and caring for them, being there for them when they need you and only discussing faith with them when they asked. You might be surprised just how effective that can be. You do your part, I'll do mine, and between us we will count on God to handle everything.
For now, they don't believe. Maybe that will change in our lifetime, maybe not. But the one thing that never changes is our call to love them for who they are. And partly thanks to you, who they are is pretty darn great.
In Christ,
Pastor Dan McCurdy
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