Reader Question- Touch Healing

I would love to hear your opinions on touch healing. Personally I don't buy in to it but I've had friends and relatives who've been very sick, and a couple who were terminally ill who went and sought out help from a touch healer. I also have a friend who is "certified" as a touch healer.I'm wondering what you think about it, as a man of faith. -Ruby

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Thanks for writing in, Ruby. And for the question! I went backwards and forwards on this WAAAAY more than I initially thought I would when I first read your question.

I'm actually coming to this from three places. The cynic, the end of life care provider, and the spiritual leader.

I'm going to let the cynic in me speak first, primarily because I don't like giving him the last word. There are a lot of people who do touch healing whom I would qualify as "quacks." They have a "certification" but you can print those out online, they say a lot of new age mumbo-jumbo, touch you while making a Jedi Pooping face, and then talk about what your spirit needs. If you plan on going to a touch healer, and leave the experience feeling like "well, my time just got wasted" it's good to remember than in a field where literally anyone can claim to be an expert after a google search, you are going to get some of those.

What my inner cynic sometimes forgets, though, is that while there are plenty of people who are doing the above, there ARE cases of touch healers (and people who go to them) who will swear by it. Touch disciplines such as Reiki are old and well attested culturally, if not necessarily by the medical community. So there IS something to it. But what?

When I was working as a Hospice Chaplain, the power of touch was undeniable. In a phase of life where people are hardly ever touched, we were trained to constantly hold hands, shoulders, etc., in such a way that wouldn't cause pain (and with consent, of course), and patients would swear all day about how much better they would feel afterwards.

I'm not a psychologist, and so I am not qualified to talk about the psychological effects of touch on the human psyche. It is possible that the good effects of touch healing can be completely explained by that sort of means. Maybe someone who HAS studied it will chime in. If so, I'd be fascinated to hear about it. Touch healers often use mystic language, but just because something is spiritual doesn't mean science won't see it as well, so who knows?

As a spiritual leader, I am aware that many of my counterparts warn against such things. I have even heard of it referred to as "New Age Devil Worship." I don't buy that.

While my inner cynic will always wonder if the touch healer is running a scam, I have zero fear for the souls of those who participate in it. People in chronic pain, near the end of life, or just looking for something to make them feel better, can all turn to touch healing. Some will leave disappointed, others will swear by it. The evidence in favor of touch healing is, to my knowledge, near entirely anecdotal.

So while I don't suspect that Doctors will be prescribing touch healing sessions any time soon, so long as people aren't being bilked for a lot of money (or told to avoid getting actual medical treatment), I wouldn't go out of my way to dissuade them. Because if it does work... even in bringing some peace to a traumatic time, then it is a positive thing. It won't HURT you, anyway.

So I'm cynical, but hopeful. Which probably isn't very helpful, but that's where I am at. I honestly don't have much experience with it.

(As a clarification, I am distinguishing Touch Healing from Faith Healing, here. Allow me also to say that if a touch healer you go to tells you to use touch healing exclusively, or to ignore medical advice given by Doctors, then place them safely in the quack category. Touch Healing is complimentary to normal scientific methods... and a "real" touch healer will tell you that.)

Sermon- Clean or Profane?

Experimenting with Sound Cloud. We'll see how this goes. I guess I could eventually consider a podcast as well. The text this sermon is based on is Acts 10:1-48, which was a bit long to add in the recording, so you can find the version I used here.

https://soundcloud.com/daniel-mccurdy/clean-or-profane

Reader Question- Honoring Parents

I am the oldest daughter in a very traditional, fundamental Southern baptist home. This past year, I started college and over the course of the year, my theological beliefs have become more moderate (and Jesus-emulating, I believe). I met a guy who I became really good friends with. We have recently started dating, and my parents (who have never met him) adamantly oppose this fact, simply because he is episcopalian (and therefore liberal, and wrong). I don't believe my relationship with my boyfriend is wrong, but my parents have made it clear to me they believe I am sinning and straying from The Lord. They have given me an ultimatum: them (and God) or him. I do not want to throw away my relationship with my parents, because my family is the most important part of my life. However, I don't want to ruin my budding relationship with my boyfriend, another very important part of my life, simply because my parents are prejudiced. How can I honor my parents when I am not going to do what they say? How do I show I love to them when they want to shut me out? How can I continue my relationship with them when every conversation is a ticking time bomb?

Thanks and DFTBA,

Anonymous

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Your parents are completely out of line here. Sure, the Bible says to honor your father and mother, but it also says not to exasperate your children. Your parents can advise you, but they do not own you, or your relationship with God, and behavior like this is completely unacceptable. This isn't Christian behavior. It isn't even grown-up behavior. 

I think you need to let them know that.

My advice here is to write them a letter explaining that who you date is your own choice, not theirs. I would explain that if, while you are dating your boyfriend and whatever comes after, they want to be a part of your life, they will be welcome, but you will continue your relationship with both your boyfriend and the Lord with, or without, their approval. If that means not being welcome in your home church, there are certainly others where you can attend.

If you have siblings or cousins or any other family, I'd also contact them separately, and make it clear that it is your parents decision to not be in communication with you, and that you deeply regret that decision, but as an adult woman, you cannot simply let them get away with that kind of behavior, and hope that it will not prevent those siblings or cousins from communicating with you independently of them.

To be frank, my guess is that your parents are bluffing, even if they don't know that they are. Sometimes parents (particularly in conservative religious households) have trouble letting go of the the "my way or the highway" mentality, and when it becomes clear that you will not allow such behavior to sway you, they will moderate their tone simply in an effort to be a part of your life. Can't let the Episcopalians be the only religious word in their daughter's life, right?

Continue to be loving and respectful to them when they permit you to be, and be welcoming when they finally drop the shell and come back (so long as they stay respectful to you and those you love... very important point. Reconciliation without respect is not reconciliation.) 

There is nothing respectful about tolerating child-like behavior. Respect them by demanding that they face the world like intelligent adults, rather than petulant five year olds. I am sorry they have put you in this position, but remember that it is they (not you, not your boyfriend) who created this situation. You aren't choosing between them and him. You are choosing between letting them make you stay their little girl forever, or becoming the grown, competent woman that God means for you to be. 

God bless while you and they walk that line.

Reader Question- Regarding Divorce

A few months ago I was talking to one of my girlfriends about a guy she is interested in, and she told me that she was going to date him until she found out that he had been married before and gotten a divorce. At that point she told him they could never be anything more than friends.

I didn't really say much to her about it, but I disagree with the view that this guy can't ever get married again because he made a mistake and got married too young. But if you take what Jesus said about divorce at face value, it looks like that is the case.
What do you think?

DFTBA, Sarah

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Hey there, Sarah, and thanks for writing in!

Divorce is sort of a "last generation" sin, by which I mean it used to be a real hot topic issue until the church really started talking about homosexuality. I do suspect that it will start to rise in importance again as we get used to marriage among non-hetero couples. (I've known a few gay couples who, in their rush to make a court date during a window of legality, later came to regret the rushed decision.)

The problem isn't really about divorce, though, any more than the fire exit is a problem with a burning building. In fact, when the building is burning, a fire exit is literally a lifesaver.

The real problem is our lack of seriousness concerning marriage itself.

I do some pre-marital counseling as a rule before I will marry anyone. It is mildly incredible how much energy couples are willing to put into a wedding, and how hard it is to get them to think at all about the actual marriage. I mean, think about it. The wedding will take an hour or two, TOPS. Some are significantly shorter. Then there is a fun party that the happy couple misses most of and then...

and then...

You have two people looking at each other, trying to figure out what, precisely, life is supposed to look like now. And in some cases, the picture is actually fairly bleak.

If we believe in a God who loves us and wants us to have good lives(which I do, as it happens), AND if we assume that sin is going against the will of that God (again, which I do, more on that in another post) then the sin is not the exit from the relationship that was causing you excessive grief or even actual physical or mental abuse.

The sin was getting INTO that relationship in the first place. And like so many sins that we can commit, the sin is its own punishment. In these cases, getting a divorce to get out of a harmful relationship is, in fact, doing God's will. It is true that maintaining a marriage over decades is hard work, and I will encourage people to do that work, but I will never, ever, tell someone that it is God's will that they stay in an abusive situation. Period. God does NOT want that for you, OR for your abuser. You wouldn't give heroin to a drug abuser. Putting a human being into the reach of an abusive spouse or parent is no better.

This does bring us to the question of subsequent marriage, however.

There are ways to read the Bible that make Marriage a one and done scenario, and they are NOT inherently abusive. I get the mindset, as well... maybe if someone knows they only get one shot, they'll take that shot seriously. I don't think it will work, though. I haven't met many couples who thought they would be anything other than completely happy when they got married.

I prefer to remember that we believe that God exists outside of time, and so does not experience our lives as a step by step process. Going again with the above assumptions... that God wants us to be happy... I think it is safe to say that marrying a person God made partially for you to be happy with is not a sin, even if you got a little confused along the way to meeting them.

That gets wibbly-wobbly Timey-Wimey pretty quickly, and so I don't blame the people who just say "Nope, you're divorced already, so I won't marry you." That is, of course, their decision. But to the divorced guy, or any divorcee who is wondering if they are now required to be alone, I would remind them that the very first thing described as being "not good" in Creation was loneliness.

Be wary about marriage, and do not take it lightly. But, once you have gotten in, if the building is burning, don't worry about the ethics of the fire escape. Get out, and then hopefully take some of that learned wisdom into the forming of your next relationship, should you choose to do so.

Reader Questions- Why do Christians hate us?

I was actually driven away from Christianity by a pastor who decided that since I wasn't one of her perfect darlings, I wasn't worth her time. I found Paganism, and eventually Wicca. I also found an awesome group of friends who were all Pagans or Wiccan or some mixture of Earth religions.  And it was the happiest I  had been. But people kept telling me I was going to 'hell'. And people were afraid of us, afraid we would harm their children or sacrifice their animals. No one seemed to understand that we were (not) inherently evil. Even the head of the Quaker program kept his distance from us, even though it was a Quaker school.  We had allies and we kept our beliefs to ourselves, but we weren't, aren't, evil. We were kids, young adults, who for the first time didn't feel so alone because we had each other and staff sponsors who understood us, who cared about us. We had professors who were one hundred percent Christian and they did good by us. They fought for us when necessary and that is an amazing feeling. But it's rare. People condemn us to hell automatically. I don't even believe in hell. How can I go somewhere I don't believe exists? What is it about us that makes us so frightening and evil? Is it just because we are different?


-StarkweatherCL

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Thanks for writing in, Stark.

The easiest of your questions to answer is the one of how you could go somewhere you don't believe exists. Belief does not dictate reality. Should Hell be real, you can go there, belief system or no, in the same way a member of the flat earth society, if strapped into a rocket ship, could fly underneath the planet. This is not to say that you should accept that it does exist. My understanding of hell is so different from the one people like those you have mentioned believe in that they have little in common beyond a name, so I could probably say, rather safely, that I don't believe in it, either. 

For the rest of it, let me open up by saying how sorry I am that this has been your experience, and prelude my response with a statement as strong as I can make it... NOTHING you believe in warrants that kind of behavior from anyone else, much less someone who claims to be Christian. 

Because you asked, I am going to attempt to list the reasons why North American Christians would react in this way, and from time to time that may sound like making excuses or justifying it, because there are limitations to text media. So let me make it as clear as I can right here... neither you personally, nor your faith, are responsible for the behavior of anyone else. I am not saying these reasons are good or justifying, just saying that they exist and trying to explain WHY I think they exist.

Ok. I'll probably still offend some people with this, but at least my conscience is clear. Here we go.

Fear of the other is a pretty standard reaction nearly any group. North American Christians, however, have gotten particularly good at it. Many of our denominations have a narrative that speaks of escape from persecution, be it political (like protestants fleeing persecution in Catholic countries where not being Catholic carried a death sentence, or vice versa) ideological (pacifists fleeing war) theological (they believe differently then they should, and think we should believe like them! Let's go over here and believe what's right!) to the completely insane (they say we should stop treating gays badly. I'm tired of being persecuted! New Church!).

Some of these persecution narratives have some truth to them, others are obviously simple paranoia. Regardless of the validity of their basis, however, many churches use that sense of persecution to form a kind of xenophobia that serves to keep communities tight at the cost of being able to interact with anyone else in a way that is at all sane.

I have heard people go into great detail about how a Seminary Education merely installs the Devil into someone who would otherwise be a good believer. When I told them that I myself was Seminary educated, they looked at me like they were trying to find the horns. (fools, why do you think my hair is so poofy?!) This system has been used for centuries by splinter groups to prevent members from going to other mainstream denominations, even if their own pastors were getting a little crazy. (That's right... xenophobia created Christian Hipsters before it was cool.)

Over time, this attitude transforms even well-meaning evangelism into a demand for social assimilation. I wish it was a new pattern, but it isn't. It's a very, very old one, and can be found in every group, of every ideology, of every time. But it can't be denied that of the current perpetrators in North America, Christians (especially so called non-denominational Evangelicals) have a leg up.

So, with this culture of xenophobia established, it doesn't much matter what an outsider does... they have to be converted if possible, but carefully, like how you would treat someone with a deadly, highly communicable disease. Try to help them if you can, but protect yourself first. The fact that this goes straight in the face of what the Bible teaches us about outsiders (even, specifically, those with deadly communicable diseases) is apparently besides the point.

This is the main impetus for what you experienced. Other specific things about Wicca and Paganism are not actually particularly important. They may be the NAMED reasons (even the worst Christians know better than to say "I hate you because you're different") but in the end they are really just excuses. Those excuses could include, but are probably not limited to:

1. The connections made between Wicca and Witchcraft. I've honestly never really been able to make the connection myself, beyond perhaps a desire to connect something new to something old. But for some of these Christians, you may as well be saying "Go Team Satan!"

2. There has been a certain... glee... in how some people who claim Wicca flaunt their "unholiness." This is entirely their prerogative and does not even approach the glee with which groups like Westboro Baptist flaunt the concept of hellfire. I'm not victim blaming, here, but it does slot very neatly into the paranoid "Christians" worldview.  

3. From what I have seen, Wicca groups slant liberal in the same way those evangelicals slant conservative. So suddenly its not just the pastor demonizing you, but Fox News, as well.

To any Christian reading this and getting mad at me for being "ashamed of my faith," you're wrong. I am very proud of who I am and what I believe. I want to do it right. But I speak to people like StarkweatherCL every day. Every day, I hear a story of yet another person who encountered the adherents of a faith that claims to be loving and met with only scorn, fear, and hatred. To you, I say, stop fearing the people of the world and start loving them like Christ commanded you to do.

To you, Stark, I can only offer the likely weak consolation that those who hate and fear you in the name of their faith are doing their faith wrong. Then again, they say the same thing about me.

Just be who you are, and boldly. God loves you. Never let anyone who believes in God tell you otherwise.

Reader Question- Children in Mixed Religion Households

 The question of how to raise the children (in mixed religion situations) should not be overlooked.
-Anonymous

You're right, it shouldn't be. Thanks for asking.

A while back I answered a question about interfaith dating. My answer was that if all parties involved are respectful of one another, things should be fine. The concept of "respectful," however, can get a little more complicated when children become involved.

It's one thing to leave matters of faith alone when you are dealing with a significant other. If you love someone, it is understandable to want to share something as personal and powerful as your faith with them, but at the same time, respect can enable you to honor their decisions and trust in your deity (should be inclined to follow one) to care for them out of love for you. 

Children raise a whole other question, however, because it's not so simple as honoring their wishes, at least not in the beginning. You have responsibilities towards them that you don't have towards their other parent, and if their faith upbringing really matters to you, then simply "letting it slide" might feel very much like neglect. 

If you feel that you cannot walk that line, then you should probably think twice about getting into situations that might result in a child with someone of another faith. That said, from here on in, we are going to assume that the child (or children) is a fact of life.

The most important facet of all of this will, again, be respect to your significant other. That respect will allow the two of you to make a plan for how your child's spiritual upbringing will look. But you are absolutely going to have to make a plan and abide by it, because otherwise infighting WILL occur, and kids can always see it.

What exactly that plan will look like will be up to you, but here are some suggestions.

1) Everyone participates in everything: Religious communities come with important rites of passage that everyone in the family should joyfully participate in. If this involves you attending and participating in a ceremony that has no real meaning to you, find joy in the family time together, the beautiful art or music. Your child should not have to feel that they have to choose between time with you and time with their other parents faith tradition.

2) Be active in your "faith."  If you are less participatory in your faith than your partner, or are nonpracticing or an Atheist, find activities that you can participate in regularly that your child associates with your worldview. Maybe there is a service club where they can participate in fighting worldsuck without the religious overtones, or regular trips to museums and place of learning. You don't have to set up a dichotomy (Daddy believes in God, I believe in Science!) but finding family activities where you are the motivator will give your child something to associate with how you see the world, rather than seeing faith on one side and void on the other. 

3)  Beware of competition: Kids are geniuses at setting one Parent against the other in order to get an advantage. When your child asks questions about parents believing differently, use "we" language rather than "I" language and, whenever possible, have those conversations together. This process will be problematic enough without those games driving a wedge between yourself and their other parent.

4) When the child comes of an age to make their decisions on what they believe, honor and respect that, but I would recommend sticking to the "Everyone Participates in Everything" rule until they are living on their own so one parent doesn't feel abandoned. Regardless of what your child believes, they should have learned from you the lesson that being family together is very important, even in the face of differences of faith.  And remember, they may not pick the worldview of either parent, but may go for an unknown option C.

Be supportive as you can. Be forgiving when your opposite number slips up, because they will, and so will you.

Finally, if you are separated from the child's other parent, and so making (or adhering) to a plan becomes impossible, always remind your child that, as they learn and grow, you will always love and cherish them. It's a great big crazy beautiful world out there, and everyone sees it differently.

Sharing how you see it with them is one of the most amazing gifts a parent can give.

Pastor Dan Reviews: Guardians of the Galaxy

So I have spent the past day or so telling as many people as possible how totally awesome Guardians of the Galaxy, the newest installment of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, is. I have decided to do so here, which may prompt some questions, such as:

"Ok, Dan, you told us that YOU liked it. What makes you think we would? Not all of us even like comic book movies!"

If one of you had actually asked that question, this could have been a Reader Question entry. Oh well, here goes. These are the reasons that Guardians of the Galaxy is good, beyond the simple (though quite sufficient) reason of "I had fun." In no particular order:

1. Rocket Raccoon is the single greatest accomplishment in CGI character animation since Gollum in The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. He was, by far, the biggest vulnerability that this movie had, and they knocked it out the park. You are able to believe while watching him that 1) this is a cybernetically enhanced Racoon and 2) This is a brilliant action hero, and you are able to believe those things simultaneously. Combine him with the hulking, loveable, and dangerous living tree Groot, (which the movie often does) and you have complete and utter brilliance.

2. Plenty has been said of Chris Pratt's ability to carry this movie comedically while still carrying off a hero swagger. What has not been said anywhere else that I have seen is how much Peter Quill owes to Malcom Reynolds. Sure, you have some Han Solo, some Buck Rogers, but Mal practically glows from Star-Lord, which is what really made the (nearly invisible) cameo by Nathan Fillion all the more satisfying.

3. Gamora- Action Chick. In a medium where women are rare, Gamora (played by Sci-Fi Pro Zoe Saldana) is everything those who claim to care about gender roles hope for in such a role (with the exception of the headliner. Come on, Marvel, give us Ms. Marvel!), competent, self-sufficient, interesting in her own right without dependence on a love narrative and a full member of the team, no questions, no caveats. Sure, she gets rescued once or twice, but no more often than any other team member.

4.  It's legitimately funny in so many ways. Kids will generally enjoy all of it (with a few scary or sad bits) and miss the jokes more aimed at their parents.

Seriously... check it out.