Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Reader Question: What happens when I don't have answers?

Before I hop into today's question, I want to thank all the folks who contacted me about yesterdays "State of the Blog," and would like to assure you that I am not, at this moment, planning on shutting things down. I am merely noticing that, as the questions dry up, the initial purpose of the blog may be running out it's course, and if that is the case, then the most obvious answer is to change things up. 

I won't stop while I still have pending questions, that is an absolute promise. Now, speaking of which, on to the questions!

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As someone who people come to for answers, how do you handle situations when you don't have answers. Or even worse when you have opinions and have a hard time convincing those seeking that they aren't answers but opinions. -Billy 

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What? Me not have answers? I've got tons of answers. Boatloads of 'em. It's the questions I'm waiting on, for crying out loud, and...

Oh, wait. You mean what do I do when people ask a question and I have an answer, but I'm not 100% that it is the right one. Gotcha.

As a spiritual leader, it is pretty rare that I get a question like what is 2+2. My questions tend to veer away from the objective into realms where my opinion is being directly asked. And that can lead to problems in some situations. 

A lot of people who grew up in more conservative religious households have been trained to look to their Pastors for certainty. Despite dealing with issues of faith, they want me to tell them how things ARE, not how they could be or might be. Folks often come to me looking for black and white, when what I have is the whole countless color spectrum between the two. 

Now when I answer these questions, it isn't like I am picking an answer out of a hat, or throwing a dart at a board blindfolded and then trying to come up with an answer based on where it landed. I use my experience, my previous studies, various resources, and my gut when I give them my recommendation. And that is probably the first real part of your answer; I make recommendations, not commandments.

Turn on Evangelical Television and you'll hear a LOT of commandments, but they are being given by people who might need a gentle 2x4 to the head to remind them that they are pastors and teachers, not Gods. I give recommendations, and do my best to explain how or why I came to that solution. That way people hear what I am saying not as; "DO THIS FOR PASTOR DAN HATH SAID..." but rather, "Hey, this is what Dan thinks and why."

There are times when I flat out don't know, when something is beyond my abilities or resources. When I am THAT out of my depth, I usually switch to referrals, trying to get that person to the one who can help them, after which my role becomes one of support, rather than direct leadership.

On the flip side, there are times when I am pretty darn sure. When I advise someone to get out of an abusive situation, as an example, I tend to be more authoritative. I don't leave much wriggle room when I preach on the need for more equality in our world, or on the need for us to spend more time loving and less time judging. This is a bit hypocritical, and I own that. It's as much a judgment call as other things, just one I feel VERY strongly about.

I do my best to make this clear, both in the pulpit, here, and on the various forums I inhabit, but I am neither all perfect or all-knowing. While I have a LOT of answers, each deserves a grain of salt, because I'm human, with all the blind spots and biases that entails. I am often asked for answers because of training and experience I have that is fairly unique, but in the end, when you ask Pastor Dan something, I hope you know that you aren't getting some gold-cast truth delivered from on high.

And in general, if you go to a spiritual leader asking for recommendations, and receive commandments, it's time to start really evaluating your relationship with them. On the one hand, they may feel really strongly about a subject, and that might be their bit of bias and blind-spots colliding. On the other, if they are ALWAYS like that, then it may be that the experience and training they are drawing on is fundamentally flawed.

As always, be wary when seeking spiritual leaders.

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