The Next Step

A few nights ago, out of my mind on painkillers and generally philosophical about life and the world around me, I was talking to my brother about how things come and go in seasons. I was especially wondering what the next step for this blog would be. A little less than a year ago I kicked it up largely as a way to archive the answers I was writing for people on ANF about this, that, or the other. For awhile, I was amazed at the volume of questions I have received here, and with over 20,000 pageviews, Ask Pastor Dan has unquestionably been my single-best viewed bit of writing. Odd, given that it sticks to the realm of non-fiction, where I always see myself as a story teller.

Well, I have found that next step. I am keeping it non-fiction, but now I will have a story to tell.

Those who have been paying attention to my various cries for attention will be very much aware of the fact that I recently had surgery to remove an enlarged adrenal gland. The surgery was more complex than was initially envisioned and I ended up needing more recovery time than we had initially hoped for, but otherwise all was well and we were just waiting for the pathology report on the removed gland.

Well it has come in, and the news isn't good; they found cancer in the gland.

You know, I keep phrasing it like that. It's easier, I suppose. Like the cancer is the gland's problem and I am just someone it's inconveniencing. Stupid gland. I guess it is time to put it in writing: I have cancer.

The cancer I have is an extremely rare variety which was why all my doctors were so sure I DIDN'T have it until the biopsy came in. Even my oncologist doesn't know a lot about it, which is a problem when you have an imagination as overactive as mine... baring actual science facts, I can make up all KINDS of shit.

I will continue trying to answer questions that I receive in the format that Ask Pastor Dan has followed to this point, but going forward I am going to, on top of all of that, be telling my story as a cancer patient here, with my own limited and flawed view on things. Hopefully, this story will be very straightforward and boring, only to say that it all got removed when they removed the gland and now I just need to add an additional doctor's visit to keep an eye on things. If it becomes more, well, maybe it will serve to raise awareness of... stuff, I guess? I could easily write my own version of the Fault in Our Stars but again, overactive imagination, it isn't good to look too far ahead.

A few clarifications of what this will not be... I do not intend to use this as a fundraiser. One of the perks of being a Presbyterian Pastor is that I have some of the best health insurance available in the US, and so while the process won't be cheap, it should be within our means. I am blessed to be surrounded by people who work to care for others, and so I suspect that neither myself or Rose will ever really want financially while we deal with this. That wouldn't be true for a huge portion of the rest of the world, and so if my story inspires you to want to help financially (as some of you have tried to do for me in the past, you awesome lot) go ahead and find people who are not so privileged as I am and help them instead, knowing that I am well cared for.

As before, this will not be a direct evangelism tool... as in I will never write a post designed as a come to Jesus moment for any of you. While the people who make up my audience are precisely the sort of people I want in the church, that's just not how I roll. Now, if something I write makes you want to think about engaging your faith life, I am always happy to talk about that, too. But my point isn't propaganda. Of course, I may be talking about faith in some pretty serious context in the months to come... so be ready for it.

Finally, I don't see it being morose. Morbid, perhaps, but as a card carrying member of the humor as a defense mechanism crowd, I will be looking for the funny in my situation as hard as I can. I'll laugh at myself for being so dramatic if this all turns out to be nothing, and squeezing every ounce of joy I can get out of the moments should the worst happen.

And I will be honest, answering your questions and my own as truthfully I can within my context. I think that is the real reason people have put up with me so far. I am going to give as honest a portrayal of the life of an adrenal cancer patient as I can manage. That is the next step of "Ask Pastor Dan."

I hope you'll take it with me.

Thanks for reading,
Dan