So I just talked to a friend who asked how I was doing. Apparently he had recently heard a mutual (if distant) acquaintance of ours announce that the cancer had jumped from one adrenal gland to another, which is why I was having surgery on Thursday. After laughing about it I decided that since people are making up stuff about me that hadn't even occurred to me yet (and I have a good imagination!) I decided it might be a good idea to do one of those updates I said I would do. So here we go.
No, the cancer hasn't "jumped" anywhere. It is highly unlikely to be in the other mass, but we need to make sure, hence the surgery. There is one major concern haunting me, though.
I made the mistake of looking into the possibility of living without any adrenal glands online. One testimonial in particular sounded hauntingly like being lobotomized, and so now I find myself scared that I will go to sleep on the table and wake up someone else, someone who can't get excited about things, who lacks the energy and excitement that so many people think makes me me.
It's a terrifying thought... in this moment, more terrifying than the cancer that might not even be there.
I try to keep this all in check by remembering that the Doctors do not plan to remove that gland lightly... they're even willing to open me all the way up in order to avoid it if they must. They know we don't want that gland gone.
So yeah, I'm scared. Not the first time since the diagnosis and certainly not the last.
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