What is your opinion on Christians dating people of different religion (or no religion)? -SF
It's been somewhat surprising to me how often this one has come up. I occasionally get approached through PM by various Nerdfighters with problems of a more personal nature than what they want to share through open discussion or the blog, and while those questions have covered an astonishing number of topics, this is probably the most repeated question.
I get it. We're Nerdfighters, and there is no telling who you might fall into Nerdfighter like with. You might never have considered dating someone of a faith different than your own until you met this nerdfighter who kept not forgetting to be awesome and made you feel happy and tingly and important and now (I assume, because you asked the question) you really want to date them, whatever that will look like.
But, problem. They believe differently than you. Maybe you, a non-believer, never thought you'd be able to tolerate ANYONE who did something as ridiculous as believe in an invisible space being into child slaughter. Maybe you, a believer, never thought you'd want anything to do with someone who unable to fathom the God you know and love. But it happened. And now you're uncertain.
Because while you really, really like this person, your personal beliefs are a huge part of who you are, and you've had voices in the Nerdfighter community tell you, every day, that your beliefs are important, and you should feel able to stand by them. But that Nerdfighter still is there, being awesome. You think they're great, and they seem to feel the same way about you. So... should you date them?
Because I am a Pastor, my answer is: that depends.
A lot of Christians have been warned off of the practice of what is known in some Christian circles as Missionary dating... the idea of dating a non-Christian with intent to convert them. This message seemed most often aimed at young women, for some reason, though it was generally considered a bad idea for a guy as well. (Oddly enough, missionary dating in LGBTQ couples never came up. Huh.) The reason for this is that the heathen you dated was as likely to pull you off the OneTruePath(TM) as you were to put them on it, so why not just find yourself a nice Christian Boy(Trademark Pending)?
I actually want to echo some of that sentiment... if your plan is to date the nerdfighter today, convert them to your way of thinking tomorrow, then my advice is to NOT date that nerdfighter. Not out of worry of your own immortal soul (or, if you are an atheist, out of worry for your invitation to Richard Dawkins next meet 'n greet) but because there is something profoundly disrespectful in dating someone for who you hope they'll become, rather than who they are.
Look, we're ALL works in progress, here. But evolution, be it of a species, of a social order, or of a person, is a complicated process. It's hard enough to get a clear picture of who a person really is, present tense. Mucking about it the future isn't going to make things easier. (Don't believe me? Just watch Doctor Who.)
For my Christians who are asking for a Pastor's word before they are theologically comfortable with dating someone else, no, I do not believe we are forbidden to date outside of the faith. That said, to you and to everyone else, including my atheists...
The real answer to the question lies within you and that Nerdfighter you're in Nerdfighter-like with. (Because, hey, consent is ALWAYS important.) Do you like each other for who you are, or who you want them to be? Can you co-exist with them despite certain differences of ideology, or will every moment be an argument? Can you support your partner in their faith decisions as they may need from time to time, or will you just be waiting for a moment of weakness in which to strike?
If you chose the first answers, then I think you'll be fine. Be safe, have fun, make good decisions. If you chose the latter, then I think that maybe you should find someone closer to you, ideologically. I know that being alone can be a drag, but why let a relationship with an awesome person be the thing to make you less awesome?
As for dating non-Nerdfighters, I don't think we allow that. I'll ask John and Hank and get back to you.
I think it is important to recognize that successful dating relationships often result in families. The question of how to raise the children should not be overlooked.
ReplyDeleteThis person is SO VERY right when they say "the question of how to raise the children should not be overlooked". This is really when this can become a huge problem.
ReplyDelete